143. We’ve met before, haven’t we?

Now, I’m not saying that Dr. Elizabeth Clay is the white-magic call to the shadow-self Dweller on the Threshold response, arriving at a raucous but fraught gathering to force a handsome man who favors loose beige jackets to face his innermost desires because he is afraid to do so himself while he charts a course for confrontation with a wealthy psychotic businessman in charge of a barely disguised criminal enterprise (played by an actor of Italian extraction born in New York City in 1930), but I’m not not saying it either.

“The Rain” thoughts, Season Two, Episode Three: “Stay in Control”

“It’s Rasmus. He’s exploding!” —The Rain Season 2, Episode 3

“Can’t you hear how insane this sounds?” —The Rain Season 2, Episode 2

Loud and clear, The Rain. Loud and clear.

After a beautifully understated first season, Netflix’s once-promising post-apocalyptic thriller hits the halfway point of its second go round with a thud. Ironically titled “Stay in Control,” this episode appears to show a series that’s almost completely lost track of what made it compelling viewing in the first place. The grim but humane magic of its initial run is slipping right though its fingers.

I reviewed episode three of The Rain Season Two for Decider.

142. The Doctor Is In

“horny” has killed more people than all the volcanos on earth combined —@dril

“I just think I’m looking at a dead man, though.” —Carrie Ann

By the standards established by these eminent students of the human condition, I would like to report at least three murders committed by Dr. Elizabeth Clay in the very first moment we see her on this fateful night. There’s the galoot in the wifebeater, Bobby Axelrod, and another guy right behind her who’s about to pay the iron price for having the best seat in the house. Worth it!

Despite being terminally horny, I don’t often write about it anymore because it seems…I dunno, both distasteful, coming from a person in my privileged position, and superfluous, since now every single human being above the age of about 16 with an Internet connection is writing things like “I want Timothee Chalamet to rip out my esophagus and toss me into a nearby body of water to float downstream face-down” every two seconds. I made an exception for Carrie Ann in what is and remains the hottest goddamned moment in any move I’ve ever seen, of course. In a more abstract way I talk about how attractive Denise and Dalton are, although Denise doesn’t hit me where I live so to speak, and I’m too tediously straight to feel legit randy towards even Patrick Swayze in his prime.

But I am unashamed to say that my first thought every time I see the Doc make her grand entrance in the middle of Dalton’s parking-lot brawl against Boot-Knife Ketchum and the Goon Guys Present The Sounds of Barbershop is a spit-take, a low whistle, that springy series of noises when a machine malfunctions in a Looney Tunes short, va-va-fucking-va-voom.

My second thought: Why is she wearing a picnic blanket, and why does her hair look like what happens when you lose the ponytail accessories for an old Barbie doll? Because man alive, that is an odd dress, and that blonde lizard frill sticks out like it broke free of her earlier French braid on its own steam. It’s wild.

It’s to the Doc’s testament that she can make it work. Her body is nearly as nuts as Dalton’s is, that much we can gather, and we’ll get a better look at it later still. Both she and Kelly Lynch, the actor who plays her, are both very pretty women, with a face that seems severe until she smiles, at which point it’s open and warm and kind of adorable. There’s a bit later in the film where Dalton razzes her and she kind of open-palm smushes his face, and that goofy sweet horseplay makes sense the moment she grins.

But the dress commands the eye in the end, and it’s what makes her entrance so striking. Even among the hooting and hollering heteros with whom I first watched the movie, the drunken “Hel-looooo nurse!“s were quickly followed by “What the hell is up with that dress?”, but you’ll notice the order of the two exclamations. When you see this extremely accomplished person—her accomplishments are all we know about her at this point—arrive in clothes that make this loud a statement, you wind up not caring much that the statement is borderline incomprehensible. You just think “How can I meet and entertain and hopefully impress this person without fucking up? She’s a surgeon in a gingham mini for chrissakes!”

Considering how badly Dalton bobbles the first date (though as it turns out he doesn’t bobble it half as badly as it seems at first blush) this appears to have been his primary response as well. It’s unnerving, I’d imagine, to have just finished kicking the asses of four men sent to murder you and then still find yourself several score professional and sartorial steps behind a person who just showed up to take you on a date. Your rules won’t help you now.

 

 

“The Rain” thoughts, Season Two, Episode Three: “Stay In Control”

After a beautifully understated first season, Netflix’s once-promising post-apocalyptic thriller hits the halfway point of its second go round with a thud. Ironically titled “Stay in Control,” this episode appears to show a series that’s almost completely lost track of what made it compelling viewing in the first place. The grim but humane magic of its initial run is slipping right though its fingers.

I reviewed the third episode of The Rain Season Two for Decider.

The Last of the Dragons: What Drogon’s Ending Reveals About Game of Thrones

When I picture the deaths of Daenerys Targaryen’s dragons, the first word that comes to mind is obscene.

The dragons are technical filmmaking achievements of a scale and quality never before seen on television. They are emblems of high-fantasy spectacle with real awe and real bite, in a field now dominated by literally and figuratively bloodless blockbusters. Most guttingly, they are symbols of the wonders of the natural world, pointlessly destroyed by merchants of death. For all these reasons, their killings made me want to look away … which is exactly why I felt the need to look closer. And the survival of the third, greatest, and last dragon in the Game of Thrones finale made that need impossible to resist.

Surviving the deaths of his siblings, Drogon leveled King’s Landing at the behest of his master and mother, killing countless thousands. Yet after her death, freed from human control for the first time in his life, he appears to decide against further devastation in favor of escape. He flies away and his future is unknown.

But while the minds of these dragons remain a mystery, what they symbolize can be sussed out more readily. With two of the creatures killed by two very different enemies and the third taking off on its own, the departures of the dragons track with the trajectory of the show’s final season. As such, they serve as legends on a map of the future. Two paths say, “Here be dragons.” The third is wide open.

I wrote about the deaths of Daenerys Targaryen’s dragons and what they symbolize for Vulture. Many people have called this the best writing I’ve ever done on the show, and I tend to agree.

“The Rain” thoughts, Season Two, Episode Two: “The Truth Hurts”

There’s no way around it: I do not like this development at all. I don’t like the way it makes Rasmus even more of a superhuman dark-messiah figure. I don’t like how it pushes the boundaries of plausibility established by the series up until this point. I don’t like how it looks, as a visual effect. I don’t think it fits with the show’s quick yet fundamentally gentle and restrained tone. It just…doesn’t work. Not even having it unleashed under powerful circumstances—Sarah, grieving her brother and their friends, begs Patrick to kill her, and the virus emerges when she enters his room—can salvage it. My hope is that the show itself isn’t irrevocably infected as well.

I reviewed the second episode of The Rain Season 2 for Decider.

141. Dalton in repose

When we find Dalton lying on his back, hands behind his head, eyes open, under a shady tree, just daydreamin’, whilin’ away the hours, conferrin’ with the flowers, consultin’ with the rain, it behooves us to review recent events in his life. In reverse order these include an astonishingly awkward first date with Dr. Elizabeth Clay, during which you’d be hard pressed to find something she said to him that wasn’t a brutal neg; a parking-lot brawl with a man with a knife in his boot, which is how Elizabeth found him when she arrived for their date; a call to his mentor Wade Garrett in which we receive the first intimations of the depths of Dalton’s concern about Brad Wesley; the discovery that Wesley and his goons are bracing local businesspeople for protection money; getting stitched up for a knife wound incurred in a previous brawl with Pat McGurn, O’Connor, and Tinker, during which process he meets Dr. Elizabeth Clay for the first time; the brawl itself, during which the knife wound is incurred. “Man, this guy has it good” is not a thought I’d have.

Yet it’s a thought radiated by every inch of his body (and magnificent hair) as he lies there on that car. A car which was destroyed—did I mention this?—by disgruntled opponents yet again, sometime between when he defeats Ketchum and the Church Elders in the parking lot and departs for his date with the Doc and when they return to the lot later that night. They pulled a stop sign out of the ground and shoved it through his front windshield, man. I’m not having much trouble reading the symbolism there, but Dalton either is having that trouble, or, and this is more likely, he’s completely untroubled by it at all. He’s gonna take five on the battered body of his car, gonna kick back on that thing and take in the fragrance of nature in the parlance of Emmett’s times like it’s a hammock. He’s living easy, loving free, season-ticket on a one-way ride, asking nothing, leave him be, taking everything in his stride.

Even when Tinker and the Bleeder show up he doesn’t so much as look their way. I’ll remind you here, in case you forgot what happened a couple of paragraphs ago, that Tinker is the man who sent him to the hospital with a knife wound, and O’Connor is the man who helped set him up for that injury. Dalton proceeded to beat the holy hell out of O’Connor while his bouncers doubled up on an immobilized Tinker like they were hitting the heavy bag. There’s no reason for Dalton not to believe these men have come to kill him, because they’ve already tried. I wouldn’t imagine blowing it has cooled their enthusiasm for the prospect.

But that’s Dalton right there, chilling TF out on a vehicle trashed by his mortal enemies, in a body also trashed by his mortal enemies, as his mortal enemies approach.

And yet they are the ones who flinch the second he moves. This despite outnumbering him. This despite being on their feet while he has to get up from a supine position. This despite the fact that, you know, the reason they’re there is to get him to get up and come with them, like him getting up and coming with them is baked right into the premise of their little errand here.

But—and I can’t believe I’m saying this given my strong anti-goon bias—goons sometimes see things the rest of us cannot. (Maybe it’s the sunglasses.) O’Connor and Tinker don’t see a man mellowing out despite all the signs surrounding him that he should not. They see a rattlesnake sunning itself on a rock. You ever seen something like that? They look pretty chill too. Pretty calm, pretty relaxed, pretty vulnerable. I’m not about to fuck with one though and neither are you, are you. We see the kinetic inherent in the potential. We remember the Good Book: The serpent is subtle.

“The Rain” thoughts, Season Two, Episode Two: “The Truth Hurts”

There’s no way around it: I do not like this development at all. I don’t like the way it makes Rasmus even more of a superhuman dark-messiah figure. I don’t like how it pushes the boundaries of plausibility established by the series up until this point. I don’t like how it looks, as a visual effect. I don’t think it fits with the show’s quick yet fundamentally gentle and restrained tone. It just…doesn’t work. Not even having it unleashed under powerful circumstances—Sarah, grieving her brother and their friends, begs Patrick to kill her, and the virus emerges when she enters his room—can salvage it. My hope is that the show itself isn’t irrevocably infected as well.

I reviewed episode two of The Rain Season 2 for Decider. It’s a mess.

140. What’s better than this?

Here, in a quiet moment near the end of the film just prior to the situation coming to a head so to speak, we see the goon in his natural environment. O’Connor, Ketchum, Morgan, Tinker, Pat McGurn: All of them have tucked their favorite short-sleeved shirts into their favorite pairs of jeans and settled in on the front lawn of the mansion owned by the Peter Pan to their Lost Boys, Brad Wesley. As you can tell from the shooting irons, this is not a company picnic or a cookout with the boys; they’re here to protect Brad Wesley from Dalton, whom they rightfully assume is on his way to kill them all because they murdered his best friend. You’ll have cause to wonder why, given the predictability of and ease of access to Dalton’s whereabouts—he in fact receives a phone call taunting him about the impending murder in the very location where that murder eventually takes place in his absence—they did not simply cut out the middleman as it were and murder him instead. Perhaps, given their superior numbers and lack of compunction about bringing guns to a knife fight and so on down the fight escalation scale, they did not split up to murder them both. Just blue-skying here: One could even imagine a scenario in which the large quantity of explosives the Brad Wesley organization has used to destroy Red Webster’s place of business and Emmett’s cottage could instead have been employed to blow up the Double Deuce (across the street from Red Webster’s store) or Dalton’s barn apartment (approximately two hundred feet away from Emmett’s house). It’s almost as if the goal were to deliberately goad the best fighter in Jasper into a mano a mano with a demented old man who likes JC Penney, reckless operation of motor vehicles, and music with balls. And if that were the case—well then, one would wonder, wouldn’t one, whether the very orchestration of such a plan signals a wish on the part of Brad Wesley’s men, or Brad Wesley, or some other and still more nefarious figure working behind the scenes, the hole in things, the Enemy, the piece that can never fit, there since the beginning, that Brad Wesley and his men be removed from the playing field permanently, and that if Dalton himself should die in the process of that removal, well, so be it.

But that’s crazy talk, isn’t it.

<Swearengen voice>Anyways,</s> the goons and their paymaster are to be congratulated on the success of their plan, which does indeed lure Dalton into the Wesley estate, at full speed, no holds barred, no quarter asked and none given. Few things will get an experienced killer in a killing mood than killing one of the men who trained them in the techniques that allow them to kill, and once the experienced killer is in that killing mood, he needs must find the people he desires to kill, and a good place to check is if one of them owns a mansion, then it’s that mansion. So kudos are due in that respect.

Until Dalton drops by, however, the goons are left to their own devices. Their mixture of vigilance and utter disregard for firearm safety is the purest visual expression of the goonsmanship levels evidenced in this film. Ketchum and the Bleeder? Silent sentinels, eyes at nine and six, ready for anything. Morgan, Tinker, and the sister-son? Holding a pistol the way you hold your phone when you’re trying to check the text that just came in but you’re doing a million things and you grab it at kind of an awkward angle but now you’re stuck with it that way until you put something else down, eating a lolipop, and scratching his back with the butt of a shotgun while saying “Remember that blonde? Shhyew. She could suck-start a Harley.” Ruthless efficiency coupled with a generated sense of wonder that any of these men lived past high school: That is the Way of the Goon. Bask in it.

Bask in it while you can, anyway, since all but one of these men will be dead within two and a half minutes.

“Game of Thrones” thoughts, Season Eight, Episode Six: “The Iron Throne”

Bran, Arya, Sansa, Jon: In their final destinies, the heirs of House Stark all defy their house words, “Winter Is Coming.” After showing us a nightmare for eight seasons, Game of Thrones finally dares to dream of spring.

I reviewed the series finale of Game of Thrones for Rolling Stone. I loved this show, and I owe it so much.

“The Rain” thoughts, Season Two, Episode One: “Avoid Contact”

I’m not quite sure what to make of The Rain’s new season premiere. Oh, the stuff I loved the first time around is still there: the cast (in addition to the Andersen siblings, Jessica Dinnage as the cherub-cheeked Lea and Mikkel Følsgard as Simone’s love interest Martin are also standouts), the fundamental gentleness of the core characters, the unswerving sense that hurting other people to protect your own is Bad, Actually.

But the pacing has been dialed up to Ludicrous Speed even by The Rain‘s standards. So have the sci-fi elements, which have gone from “unscrupulous corporation creates miracle cure that turns into a biblical plague when unleashed” to “there are infected trees now and they can communicate with people” and “this one guy’s bodily fluids have all been replaced by liquid virus that explodes out of him like that oil rig in There Will Be Blood.” It’s…a lot, is what it is. Maybe too much.

I’m covering the second season of The Rain for Decider, starting with my review of the season premiere. 

(Note: I’m playing catch-up with links so these review summaries will be brief. I guess you’ll just have to read the reviews!)

“The Rain” thoughts, Season Two, Episode One: “Avoid Contact”

When it Rains, it pours. Since Netflix’s Danish sci-fi thriller The Rain debuted—and I mean the very first seconds, which follow main character Simone Andersen running to school, and the very first minutes, which depict the apocalypse from beginning to end in significantly less time than it takes to watch an episode of I Think You Should Leave—the story and character beats have been delivered not in a drizzle but in a torrential deluge.

Which is what made The Rain such a refreshing experience to soak in. Compared to standard post-apocalyptic fare, which tends to belabor the obvious like no one in the audience has ever seen one of these things before, and the legendary pacing problems of “Netflix bloat,” a show that moved this quickly came as a pleasant surprise.

It moved deftly, too. This wasn’t some no-attention-span repeated bludgeon to the head, but a surprisingly nuanced study of young people forced to fend for themselves, and eventually care for each other, in a world rendered uninhabitable by, literally, their parents. (Imagine that!) The gentle faces and studied softness of lead actors Alba August as Simone, Lucas Lynggaard Tønnesen as her brother Rasmus (patient zero for the rain-borne virus that nearly wiped out the population), and the small band of survivors they hook up with lent warmth to the inherent coldness of any post-apocalyptic/dystopian project. Whether it was one or not, it sure felt like a deliberate rejection of The Walking Dead‘s fascist prioritization of us-versus-them conflict.

So I’m not quite sure what to make of The Rain‘s new season premiere. Oh, the stuff I loved the first time around is still there: the cast (in addition to the Andersen siblings, Jessica Dinnage as the cherub-cheeked Lea and Mikkel Følsgard as Simone’s love interest Martin are also standouts), the fundamental gentleness of the core characters, the unswerving sense that hurting other people to protect your own is Bad, Actually.

But the pacing has been dialed up to Ludicrous Speed even by The Rain‘s standards. So have the sci-fi elements, which have gone from “unscrupulous corporation creates miracle cure that turns into a biblical plague when unleashed” to “there are infected trees now and they can communicate with people” and “this one guy’s bodily fluids have all been replaced by liquid virus that explodes out of him like that oil rig in There Will Be Blood.” It’s…a lot, is what it is. Maybe too much.

I’m covering The Rain for Decider again this season, starting with my review of the season premiere. 

(Note: I’m playing catch-up so these review descriptions will be short. I guess you’ll just have to read the reviews!)

Every Game of Thrones Episode, Ranked

1. “The Bells” (Season 8, Episode 5)

Sansa Stark: How long do I have to look?
Joffrey Baratheon: As long as it pleases me.

Miguel Sapochnik, the man behind “Hardhome,” “Battle of the Bastards,” and “The Long Night,” succeeded Neil Marshall as the show’s master of war. Returning to the director’s chair one last time for the series’s penultimate episode, he turns off the dark that confounded many viewers during the Battle of Winterfell. But does he therefore dial down the carnage that occurs any time large numbers of people decide to murder one another for a cause? Oh, no. Oh, not at all.

“The Bells” ratchets up the queasy terror of the last battle episode set at King’s Landing, “Blackwater,” by making its narrowly averted nightmare come true. This time, instead of stalling at the city walls, the invaders make it inside—with the help of Daenerys Targaryen and the last dragon she has. And before the episode is over, there’s barely a city left to sack. The Breaker of Chains breaks bad at last, unleashing dragon fire on tens of thousands of innocent civilians and reducing King’s Landing to rubble and ash.

This war crime was a long time coming, and the seeds had been planted since the start. No, I’m not talking about the innumerable people whose execution by Dany went excused because they were nominally “bad guys.” I’m talking about Bran falling from the tower. Viserys Targaryen and Robert Baratheon and Khal Drogo failing to survive a single season. Ned Stark losing his head. Jaime Lannister losing his hand. The Red Wedding. The Purple Wedding. The Red Viper. The death of the dragons.

Every single swerve that upended what the story seemed to be about was building to this moment: A self-styled liberator perpetrating a massacre on a previously unimaginable scale, both as an in-story act of violence and an on-screen work of filmmaking. This is the show, and it always has been. Game of Thrones forces you to look. Long may it burn.

I ranked every episode of Game of Thrones from worst to best for Vulture. I stand by this.

“Billions” thoughts, Season Four, Episode Nine: “American Champion”

I can, and will, write quite a few words about “Billions” this week. For what really matters, however, five words are all it takes.

Dr. Gus is back, baby!

I reviewed this week’s episode of Billions for the New York Times.

139. Dress from an Italian Restaurant

A bottle of white
A bottle of red
A smashed beer bottle on a drunk guy’s head
We’ll climb on tables with our feet
Near the chickenwire stage
You and I, filled with rage

A bottle of red
A bottle of white
Regularly scheduled thing for Saturday night
You’ll wear a tablecloth you got
From an Italian restaurant

Things were okay with me those days
I got a good job, I got out of Memphis
I fucked a dude’s wife, ripped out his windpipe
And I didn’t do time

Oh, we’d just met days ago
You’d just healed my torso
“Nobody ever wins a fight” was my pickup line

You remember those days getting nude in a refurbed barn
My enemy watched as we fucked on an old man’s farm
Oh, we didn’t bother to kiss, who needs foreplay when you’ve got charm
Cold beer, fist fights
My sweet romantic Jasper nights

Oooh, hoo
Yeah, yeah
Wooo, hoo
Ohh, ohh, ohh

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh ohh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Dalton and Wesley were the hero and heavy
Of a film that initially bombed
Swerving around with the car top down
And tai-chi on the lawn
Nobody looked any finer
And they both put their dicks in the Doc’s vagina
But Jeff Healey knew and implied Doc was Wesley’s ex-wife
So it’s Dalton and Wesley and only one man will survive

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh ohh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Dalton and Wesley were getting real petty
In a film in 1989
Wesley decided to cut off the Double Deuce liquor supply
Everyone said they were crazy
Wesley had goons who were much too lazy
And Dalton was dueling a guy with a boot with a knife
Oh, but there were were watching Dalton call Wade for advice

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh

Well, he opted to send for his wise old mentor
Who had taught him to bounce with no fears
He’d feathered his nest where the girls shook their breasts
And drunk soldiers could ogle their rears
He was grizzled and louche and he said “Double Douche”
And his bloodstream’s primarily beers
A-whoa oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
Wade Garret’s old

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh

Well, they fought for a while in a very nice style
But it’s always the same in the end
Wade Garrett got knifed and it cost him his life
(Though he’d shown off his pubes to his friends)
Then the old men got mad and massacred Brad
Right after Dalton killed all of his men
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Dalton and Wesley had had it already
By the end of 1989
There was no way to know
We’d be watching this show
For the rest of our lives
It influenced Mystery Science
Extensively cut for network compliance
And soon was a staple of watching on cable while high
Oh, and that’s all I heard about Dalton and Wesley
One was Gazzara and one was real sweaty
And here we are waving Dalton and Wesley goodbye

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh ohh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh ohh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh ohh

Yeah, yeah, yeah

A bottle of red
Ooh, a bottle of white
Whatever works so pain don’t hurt tonight
Just wear that tablecloth you got
From an Italian restaurant

138. Tell me: I couldn’t help noticing when you checked in tonight—it’s part of my job, I notice human individuals—and I noticed your face. I said to myself when I saw you, There’s a guy with the most normal-looking face I ever saw in my life. It’s great to see a normal face, because I’m a normal guy. It’d be great for two normal guys to get together and talk about world events, in a normal way.

137. Tableau IV

“I think that if you’re gonna write about war and violence, show the cost. Show how ugly it is. Show both sides of it. On the other side—which sometimes gets me in trouble from the other side of the political spectrum—is the glory of war, which those of us who are opposed to war and would rather not have war tend to forget about, or try to pretend it doesn’t exist. But if you read the ancient historical sources, people are always talking about the glory of war, the banners that stirred the heart, the banners in the wind.” —George R.R. Martin

The Tragedy of Daenerys Targaryen

“I have come … But I do not choose now to do what I came to do. I will not do this deed. The Ring is mine!”

Frodo Baggins broke bad. After a journey spanning thousands of miles, hundreds of pages, and a trilogy of books, the hero of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings did the one thing he’d aimed to prevent anyone from doing ever again: He claimed the One Ring, the ultimate weapon of the evil Sauron, as his own.

This betrayed everything he and his friends had fought and suffered for, but, fortunately for the hobbit, no mere mortal could hope to harness and wield the Ring’s power. All Frodo really succeeded in doing was alerting Sauron to the jewelry of mass destruction’s presence in the one place it could be destroyed, the volcano where it was originally forged.

Of course, this too would spell disaster if the Dark Lord were to reach Frodo in time to reclaim the Ring and turn it on the good guys amassed at the gates of his wasteland kingdom. Only dumb luck and Frodo’s own prior kindness saved him in the end. The mutated hobbit called Gollum, whose centuries of solitude with only the object’s dark magic for company had turned him into a hopeless Ring junkie, bit off Frodo’s finger to take the Ring back. He then promptly fell into the lava, destroying himself, the Ring, Sauron, his minions, his castle, and his impregnable kingdom all in one go. If Frodo had killed the vicious but ultimately pathetic creature during his many earlier opportunities to do so, all would have been lost.

But still: Tolkien chose to bring his magnum opus — the fountainhead from which the entire epic-fantasy genre has flowed — to a climax by corrupting his virtuous protagonist and giving him no agency in his own redemption. I first read The Lord of the Rings 33 years ago, and to this day I can’t hit that part of the book or watch that part of Peter Jackson’s film adaptation without gasping, “No, goddammit, no!” The character whose pure heart and noble intentions made him the ideal vehicle for bringing the most dangerous weapon in existence to its appointed place of destruction was, in the end, neither pure nor noble enough to resist trying to use the loaded gun he’d been carrying all that time. In the parlance of our era, you simply hate to see it.

Unfortunately for Daenerys Targaryen, there’s no Gollum present in Game of Thrones to knock her off her dragon’s back and then, I dunno, fly the thing directly into the side of a mountain at full speed. Her hero’s journey ends in villainy that no one — at least, perhaps, until Sunday’s series finale — has the power to stop.

I tried to contextualize Daenerys Targaryen’s actions in the penultimate episode of Game of Thrones for Vulture. I’m proud of this piece.

136. Natural causes

“How’d this happen?” Dr. Elizabeth Clay asks Dalton comma James while observing the yawning knife wound in his side. “Natural causes,” he responds, staring at her. “Looks like a knife wound,” she says skeptically, after fingering the skin around the gash; not the first doubter to touch a man’s wound. “Like I said,” he replies, handing her his medical files. (“Saves time,” you’ll recall.)

But I want you to take a good look at this shot. Look at Dalton, naked from the waist up, seated obediently as a woman touches him where he is most vulnerable. Look at the top of the head of Dr. Clay (that’s how she introduces herself, all business, appropriately), her face approaching waist level, looking intently at the liminal place where his body is extruding its vital fluid into the outside world. Look at his eyes as he looks down at her, as hungry and urgent as those of a well-trained but young and rambunctious dog eyeing a Milk-Bone.

Dr. Clay has yet to so much as meet Dalton’s gaze, intent as she is on triage. When she does finally see him, really see him, it’s through the protective panes of her enormous, almost vaudevillian eyeglasses. But Dalton has no such prophylactic barrier in place. He sees her, really sees her, right away. By this I mean he sees her ideal self: a healer, a caregiver, a person who mends bodies rather than breaking them.

“Nice place—they send a lot of business my way,” she jokes when they discuss his place of employment. “I’m hoping to change that,” he replies, with the pride of a Cub Scout telling his den mother he plans to win the Pinewood Derby. Right away he intuits that to get right with this remarkable woman he must recast himself as a healer as well, a healer of an ecosystem rather than an individual.

“All by yourself?” she responds, smiling, with the gently ribbing condescension a parent might use on a child she’s unsure will pick up on the tonal cues when that child announces his intention to rid their town of crime while tucking a towel into the back of his shirt as a cape. She sees him now, looks right into his eyes through those gigantic glasses, and finds him mildly risible, which he is.

What she’s really doing, it becomes apparent in subsequent scenes, is attempting to tuck her obvious physical attraction to this exceptionally physically attractive man back into his medical file where it belongs—a mere physical factoid, bodily trivia, like his nine staples, thirty-one broken bones, two bullet wounds, nine puncture wounds, and four stainless steel screws. And best of luck to her with that.

Yeah, natural causes are at work here, alright. Natural indeed.

135. Captain

See this fellow on the right? The mustachioed gentlemen wearing his shirt tucked in with no belt? He’s played by a football player turned stuntman, stunt coordinator, actor, and second unit director named Allan Graf. With that series of job descriptions you might expect him to have played a role in other fight scenes besides the one where Dalton disarms, or dislegs I suppose, a guy with a knife embedded in his boot. And you’d be right.

Graf is also Captain Joe Turner, bodyguard and enforcer for George Hearst, in Deadwood, another Western largely shot in bars about people jockeying for control of a small town overrun by a rich asshole. As such he is one half of the best fight scene ever filmed: the street fight against Dan Dority (W. Earl Brown), the Captain’s opposite number in local pseudo-respectable crime boss Al Swearengen’s outfit. I’ll never forget the first time I watched this scene because after it was over I had a splitting headache. Was it sympathy pain, I wondered, until I realized I’d been holding my breath for probably a minute and a half before the tide, as it were, turned in the favor of my favored combatant. I was so on edge I literally stopped breathing.

As much as I think the fight scenes in Road House are fantastically choreographed, acted, and shot, nothing in the film rises to that level. But that’s fine, as few fight scenes ever have. And for what it’s worth, the eventual mano a mano between Dalton and Jimmy is legit one of the most exciting and technically fantastic fights I’ve ever seen in a movie. But without the pathos generated by David Milch’s town full of grasping ravenous brutes and people who get so angry at the resultant shit through which they’re forced to wade that they start to cry, it’s simply playing a different sport than the one for which Mr. Allan Graf got down in the mud as one half of the greatest game ever played.