“Narcos: Mexico” thoughts, Season Two, Episode Two: “Alea Iacta Est”

But hey, Narcos is gonna be Narcos from time to time. This is not genre revisionism along the lines of what The Sopranos did for mafia stories, or what Deadwood did for Westerns, or what The Wire did for cop shows, or what Game of Thrones did for fantasy and so on. Narcos: Mexico never really promises to be much more than a jaundiced but well-crafted look at the drug war. Sometimes those drug warriors are gonna sound like clichés rather than people. Like getting kidnapped and tortured, it’s an occupational hazard.

I reviewed the second episode of Narcos: Mexico for Decider.

“Narcos: Mexico” thoughts, Season Two, Episode One: “Salva El Tigre”

Subtlety has never been Narcos‘ strong suit. In its original incarnation as the story of the rise and fall of Pablo Escobar, its transitional season chronicling his rivals in the Cali Cartel, and now in the spinoff series Narcos: Mexico, the show displays a welcome cynicism about America’s quixotic war on drugs. At times, it also takes on a rueful, almost poetic tone, as the thugs on both sides of the battle are made to confront the consequences of their actions. But as a viewer, you’re never asked to do a whole lot of work to figure out what’s going on. Case in point: As Félix Gallardo, Mexico’s drug kingpin, struggles against a cash flow problem that has him at odds with both his Cali suppliers and his Mexican underbosses, he sits and watches a chained tiger.

Get it?

I’m back on the Narcos: Mexico beat for Decider this season, starting with my review of the season premiere. I really enjoy writing about this show, which is good-but-not-great in a way that’s interesting to talk about.

“The New Pope” thoughts, Episode Five

More than any episode of The New Pope yet — and this is saying something — this one has sex on the brain.

I reviewed the fifth episode of The New Pope for Vulture.

All Fucked Up: Erotic Tales From the Road House Expanded Universe

Julia Gfrörer, Gretchen Felker-Martin, and I proudly present All Fucked Up, a smutty fanfic zine about Road House. I’ve got three stories in it myself. You can buy it here!

The Ecstasy of the Agony: A Quick Guide to Transcendental Horror

Horror is a genre of worst-case scenarios, narrowly avoided or not. The monster must feed, the slasher must kill, the demon must possess, the alien must infect, and we mortals, we normals, must defend and escape or die trying. There’s a reason that one of the most recently popular and influential movies in the category named itself after this imperative, boiled down to two simple words: Get Out.

Not all horror stories work that way. In some, the protagonist does not escape from or kill the beast, but nor is she simply killed in turn. In these stories, the protagonist enters into a state of communion with the very horror that has spent the rest of the movie threatening her life and her sanity. The process may be voluntary or not. The embrace of the evil may be gleeful or reluctant, and the outcome may be triumphant or tragic. But in the end, the dangerous, deranging, demonic forces at work are greeted not as destroyers, but as liberators, freeing the human protagonist from his human concerns once and for all, the life he once led forgotten in favor of a supernatural, superhuman new state of existence.

This is transcendental horror: stories that climax with the protagonist entering a state of ecstatic or enlightened union with the source of the horror they’ve experienced.

I wrote about a phenomenon I’m calling Transcendental Horror for The Outline. It’s extensively spoilery, but if you’ve enjoyed any recent horror movies it’s worth taking a peek!

STC vs. Papal Bull: Resurrection on The New Pope

I appeared on the latest episode of Fanbyte’s The New Pope podcast Papal Bull: Resurrection to speak with hosts Merritt K and Eric Thurm about the show, Catholicism, Marilyn Manson, and much more!

“The New Pope” thoughts, Episode Four

Picture two people. Then picture a wall between them. Now imagine that this wall is permeable, so that human connection can take place through it. Even so, the wall is a barrier that partially obscures the identity of the person on the other side, preserving anonymity, or at least the illusion thereof.

Congratulations: You have just imagined either a Catholic confessional or a glory hole. What this episode of The New Pope asks is, porque no los dos?

I reviewed this week’s episode of The New Pope for Vulture.

Taking ‘The New Pope’ at Face Value

More than any other show on television today, The New Pope understands the value of unusual human faces. In addition to Orlando’s Cardinal Voiello, its core cast includes the saturnine, frog-faced Cardinal Aguirre (Ramón García); the effete and angular Cardinal Assente (Maurizio Lombardi); the beady-eyed, mononymed Vatican operative Bauer (Mark Ivanir); the soft-tempered and soft-featured Cardinal Gutiérrez (Javier Cámara); Kiruna Stamell, a little person, as the Abbess of the Vatican’s cloistered nuns. Of course, there’s the new pope himself: John Malkovich’s Sir John Brannox, his deeply lined face framed by a scraggly white beard, deep-set eyes recessed even further by generous helpings of guyliner. Creator and director Paolo Sorrentino’s closeups, particularly striking when the whole College of Cardinals is gathered together in all their red-robed splendor, make a meal out of every one of them.

My new column at The Outline is about the unconventional (read: normal) faces of The New Pope.

The Boiled Leather Audio Hour Episode 100!

Nine years. One hundred episodes. My illustrious co-host Stefan Sasse and I celebrate the Boiled Leather Audio Hour’s big milestone by reflecting on why A Song of Ice and Fire resonates with us in the first place. Click here to listen or find it wherever you find your podcasts!

“The New Pope” thoughts, Episode Three

“You remind me of my favorite actor, John Malkovich.”

“Doesn’t do much for me.”

It feels too easy, somehow, to lead a review of an episode of television as rich as The New Pope’s third installment with the cheap pop of a fourth-wall break. But that’s the thing about The New Pope: It can make easy meta-jokes, like Cécile de France’s Vatican PR maven Sofia Dubois telling John Malkovich’s character that he looks like John Malkovich, and still be an enormously affecting and visually spectacular meditation on desire, duty, family, sex, and the need for human connection even in the face of extraordinary obstacles. Hell, it even can crack wise about Megan Markle floundering in her role as royalty—a reference that wound up being unbelievably timely—and still feel more like a poem than a gossip rag. That is its power.

I reviewed this week’s episode of The New Pope for Vulture.

“The New Pope” thoughts, Episode Two

If Seinfeld was a show about nothing, The New Pope, like its predecessor, The Young Pope, is a show about everything. Everything important, anyway. Love, faith, sex, death, shame, grief, God, lust, politics, violence, orgasms, depression, art, poetry, music, hope — all of it coming at you faster than you can keep up with, all of it wrapped in a package as beautiful as one of the bespoke suits worn by Sir John Brannox, the man who will soon be … well, you know.

I reviewed last week’s fantastic episode of The New Pope for Vulture.

This Emperor Has No Clothes

Ever since he strolled across the landing bay of the second Death Star in Return of the Jedi, ever since I held him in my five-year-old hands as a hefty hunk of Kenner-manufactured plastic, I have adored the Emperor. I’ve tried the other Dark Lords, and much as I might enjoy them, they’re just not the one: Sauron is a giant flaming eyeball, Voldemort is just Ralph Fiennes with no nose, Thanos is a finger-snappin’ Genocide Fonzie. But Star Wars’ Emperor Palpatine, the ruler of his galaxy and the series’ ultimate villain, is a star — pure evil in the form of a weird, wrinkly old fart who can shoot lightning from his fingers.

The Emperor rules. Figuratively, I mean, not just literally. And I didn’t need JJ Abrams to resurrect him in The Rise of Skywalker — now disappointing fans in a theater near you! — to convince me.

Why? Because he’s not just evil. He’s a dick about it. And that’s an evil I recognize.

I’m very excited to announce I’m now a columnist for the Outline! I kicked things off with an essay on why the Emperor rules and why, in The Rise of Skywalker, he rules less.

 

“The New Pope” thoughts, Episode One

Have you heard the Good News? We have no longer forgotten to masturbate!

Yes, Lenny Belardo, the erstwhile Pope Pius XIII, must be spinning in his non-grave: Before the opening credits of The New Pope, Paolo Sorrentino’s daring new sequel to his 2017 masterpiece The Young Pope, even roll, a nun jerks off after giving Belardo’s comatose body a sponge bath. This kind of sexual excess was literally the stuff of Lenny’s nightmares, with that famous line about self-love popping up in an anxiety dream prior to his first address to the faithful. After the cliffhanger heart attack at the end of last season that we learn left him comatose, who will guide his flock now?

That’s the subject of the first episode of The New Pope, and the answer is not who you think it is. To wit, it’s not Sir John Brannox, the English prelate played by John Malkovich. Before his ascension, there’s papal-political hardball to be played among the College of Cardinals whose responsibility it is to select Pius XIII’s successor, and the game goes horribly awry.

Meet The New Pope, same as The Young Pope, insofar as they both whip ass. I reviewed the season premiere of The New Pope for Vulture, where I’ll be covering the show all season long.

Music Time: Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross – Watchmen (Music from the HBO Series)

The horror-movie atmospherics of Quake are the closest reference point for Watchmen’s first and strongest track, “How the West Was Really Won.” The show’s unofficial theme music—it recurs repeatedly in the series’ most frightful moments, including the ripped-from-the-comic image of a gigantic alien squid in the ruins of Manhattan—it’s the sound of Reznor and Ross going full John Carpenter, with a simple synth hook that seems to swallow up more of the world around you with each repetition. Its melodic structure recurs throughout the score, in the gently acoustic “Watch Over This Boy” at the end of Volume 1, the jazz throwback “Nostalgia Blues” on Volume 2 (co-written and performed by John Beasley), and the major-key weightlessness of “The Waiting Sky” on Volume 3. The original song is resilient enough to mutate in this way, showing off the duo’s skill with leitmotif as well as their considerable range. It’s the theme music Nine Inch Nails fans have been waiting for them to deliver.

I reviewed Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross’s excellent three-volume Watchmen score for Pitchfork.

The 10 Best TV Needle Drops of 2019

8. Mindhunter: “M.E.” by Gary Numan

After a shaky first season that was all over the map in terms of what we were supposed to feel about its main characters — remember the stiff Holden Ford romance subplot? — Mindhunter settled into a comfortably macabre groove in its second season, chronicling the drudgery involved in tracking down some of the world’s worst people. In the case of the musical montage set to “Cars” singer Gary Numan’s synth stomper “M.E.,” the drudgery is the whole point.

The sequence follows FBI Agents Holden Ford and Bill Tench as they stake out bridges where they hope to trap the perpetrator of the Atlanta Child Murders. It’s a joyless slog of bad sleep, shitty room service, buzzing mosquitoes, muggy weather, cigarette smoke, and ever-shortening patience. Numan’s song, sung from the perspective of a machine that survived the apocalypse alone, provides a surprisingly apt accompaniment to a routine that breaks Ford and Tench down until they feel unmoored from the very humanity they’re trying to protect.

In case you missed it—I know I did!—I wrote about the ten best TV music cues of the year for Vulture.

The 50 Best Star Wars Moments, Ranked

44. The Return of the Sith (Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker)

Much of director J.J. Abrams’s course-correction of a final installment in the sequel trilogy aims for a grandeur and scale that came much more naturally to George Lucas & Co. a long time ago. But there’s definitely one place he nailed it: in the depths of the temple beneath the surface of Exogol, the Sith home planet. When Rey arrives to confront the reemergent Emperor Palpatine before the Sith throne, the camera whirls to reveal that she’s standing in the center of an entire arena, filled with the emperor’s black-robed acolytes. Much like the absolutely massive fleet of planet-killing Star Destroyers hovering above, it’s a vivid demonstration of the power and reach of the dark side.

I’ve once again revised and ranked my list of the 50 Best Star Wars Moments for Vulture, this time taking The Rise of Skywalker into consideration.

365. Dalton

Dalton runs the show. Completely. It’s his way or the highway. What he says? Goes. He’s a philosopher—man’s search for faith, that sort of shit. He’s not a nice guy. He has three simple rules, but he’s only good at one thing: He never loses. He’s pretty much always better than they are. He’s never really been put down. He’s ready for trouble. He knows nobody ever wins a fight. He lives some kinda life. He’ll keep you in the good graces of the church. He appreciates his devoted fan club. He’s not facing anything he’s not used to, but it’s amazing what you can get used to, isn’t it? He killed a man in Memphis—ripped his throat right out—and he said it was self-defense at the trial. He’s got balls big enough to come in a dump truck. If you fuck with him, he’ll seal your fate. He takes his coffee black and leaded. He thinks it’s time for you gentlemen to leave. He’s fuckin’ Dalton, man. He wants you to be nice until it’s time to not be nice. He’s the best damn cooler in the business, and he knows pain don’t hurt.

When I first wrote about James Dalton, I focused on his notoriety. As the second most famous bouncer in the business, his reputation preceded him. That, and his youth relative to his mentor Wade Garrett, is what got him the gig that made Road House happen as a story. But when you get to know Dalton, really get to know him as we have over the past 365 days, it’s not fame that drives your affection. It’s familiarity. Spend enough time with Dalton and his personality becomes as dependable to you as a granddad’s pocketwatch. Over time Dalton begins to make sense to you the way any of your friends make sense. Do all the parts of their personality fit together neatly? Probably not. But you can see how to get there from here, usually. And the elements that really stand out as jarring simply rearrange the rest around them until the picture clears up again. All the contradictions resolve. All the flubs in the script become endearing quirks. You start to make sense of the nonsensical until you marvel that it ever didn’t make sense to you to begin with. Three parking scenes? Why, Dalton is a thorough man, that’s all. Dumping a polar bear on a guy? Did not also Christ demonstrate mercy? Some see shirtless tai chi and ask why; we ask, why not?

It isn’t really pain that hurts, in the end. It’s the uncertainty that attends pain. How long must I endure? How bad will it be, and will it get worse before it gets better? Give me answers and I can take it. Road House gives you the answers you seek—it’s just a matter of figuring out the right questions to ask, and Dalton is our guide to them. That’s the story of Road House, a film I’ve now written some 150,000 words about, give or take. Doing so is how I made sense of something that makes no sense. “If you think this sentence is confusing, then change one pig.” I did it, mijo, and so can you.

This concludes Pain Don’t Hurt. Thank you for reading.

364. Dr. Elizabeth Clay’s new life

“You’re a bouncer.”

“Mmhm. Double Deuce.”

“Nice place. They send a lot of business my way.”

“I’m hoping to change that.”

“All by yourself?”

We get our first closeup of Dr. Elizabeth Clay on that last line of dialogue—”All by yourself?” Her smile at that moment is kind, but it’s the kindness of a skeptic trying to be polite with their skepticism. The Doc doesn’t believe Dalton will clean up the Double Deuce all by himself, though not because of anything Dalton has or has not done. She doesn’t believe anything worth doing can be done by oneself.

Think of the several times she tries to take Dalton down a peg. She does it when he talks about his job during their first date: “Somebody has to do it….Might as well be you.” Her doubt drips off every word, and while she’s quick with a rhetorical napkin, she can’t control all the spillage. What makes Dalton so special? In this regard, nothing that she can see.

Think of when she confronts Dalton about his escalating war with Wesley. “You don’t know him,” she warns Dalton; the implication is that he needs the knowledge she can impart. It has to be a team effort or it’s doomed to failure. Think of how she continues: “Who’s this for, anyway? Are you doing it for them? I don’t think so. You think you’re gonna save these people from Wesley? Well who’s gonna save them from you?” She shrieks that last line, because it gets to the heart of the issue here: Dalton’s messianism has no currency in her world. A doctor is always part of a team, and no doctor saves a life singlehandedly. Again, what makes Dalton so special? In this regard, still nothing.

This is what will make Dr. Elizabeth Clay the ideal mate for James Dalton as their lives continue after the closing credits roll. She will temper his idealism with pragmatism, leaven his savior complex with the value of teamwork, of solidarity between the likeminded, of delegation and deliberation.

The beauty of it is that unlike Brad Wesley, Dalton is a person capable of listening and learning. Certainly Doc is attracted to fixer-uppers or she’d never have married Wesley in the first place, though given their age difference there were obviously other dynamics at work. (Elizabeth is an orphan, for instance, and as Wesley’s boys can attest he’s a dark father figure.) And Dalton is a learner, a seeker. His degree from NYU shows he’s searching for answers, and despite having boiled down his knowledge into three simple rules there’s nothing to suggest he’s not open to learning more. Indeed, it’s precisely when he gets his back up and refuses to listen to Doc that things start going poorly for him. We’re meant to see that as anomalous; the real Dalton, however much pressure he puts on himself to “never lose,” listens.

And what does Dalton offer the doctor, besides a beautiful smile, remarkable hair, a bod that won’t quit, and a teaching opportunity? The chance to step outside herself and experience a side of life she’d kept at arms’ length. The Double Deuce sent a lot of business her way? Well, why not learn why? What drives a man to commit to bodily stopping trouble? What kind of mind expands that remit to an entire town? She can learn at her leisure even while tempering Dalton’s hard edges, while he does the same for her.

It’s a beautiful relationship when you really look at it. Two people, so different in so many ways, but a lock and a key are very different too. It’s the difference that makes it work.

 

363. Red again

“Tire irons? Sure, I got tire irons. Got more than I know what to do with, I suspect. Thought I’d be out of business for good when the place burned down. Blew up, more like, but that raises questions I ain’t sure I wanna answer even now. Anyways, turns out my niece got the place covered. Insurance got things up and runnin’ again, I guess, but it were the money from the Jasper Improvement Society’t made it what it is. Now I’m up to my eyeballs in tire irons. Hell of a thing. Who can explain it. Ah, I’ll tell you: Frank Tilghman, that’s who. When the smoke cleared after that bad bit o’ business with Brad Wesley, look whose name was on the Improvement Society’s paperwork? Oh, it’s all legal-like. Stipulation in the contracts saying whoever owned Jasper’s most lucrative business owns the Society too, lock stock and so on. Well, with my place in ruins, and Strodenmire still vacuuming up the shattered glass from what went down during Wagon Days, and Emmet’s moonshine distillery up in smoke, the Double Deuce was the last place standing. He gave me the loans, made the place ten times bigger and better than it ever was, and all I owe him is a piece of my soul. Makes you wonder how much ol’ Frank knew when he hired that boy Dalton to clean house. Him? Good kid. M’niece, she thinks he hung the moon and stars. Couldn’t come through in the clutch, though, when the time came. Left it to me and the other old farts to finish what he started. Then again, maybe that was part of Tilghman’s plan too. Make us all complicit, if you don’t mind me usin’ a Sunday puzzle word. Blood on everyone’s hands, so to speak. We’d’a gotten nowhere if it hadn’t been for Dalton taking out Wesley’s goon squad. Maybe that was the plan all along. Now instead of me kicking Wesley some money under the table, Frank Tilghman reaches across the table and takes it right out of my pocket. Thought about bringin’ it up with Dalton during a family dinner, but the kid had about as much as he could take, losin’ his mentor and all. Who’s gonna tell him he did it all for a worse villain than Wesley was? Not me. I seen enough men broken down to ever relish the idea of breakin’ down another one. Hell, I see one every time I look in the mirror. Don’t that beat all. In fairness, Frank lost someone close to him too. We all seen the way he looked at that Pat McGurn kid before things went south. Don’t know why he felt he had to keep it a secret. We’re a forgiving bunch. When the fire department discovered Emmet’s collection of hand-drawn erotica, why, we all just let it slide. Didn’t even tell him the Milo Manara influence was too pronounced, and that woulda been the god’s honest. And hell, when I was married, how do you think my wife found the ugly man she left me for? “The lifestyle,” that’s what we called it. I don’t know about the style part, not when the fella’s wearin’ crushed velvet shirts every damn day, but it was a life alright, that it was. Worked out for the best, I suppose. They’re ugly ‘n’ happy together, just like Dalton and Elizabeth are pretty ‘n’ happy together. ‘Together,’ that’s the important thing I guess. God bless ’em. Not that I’m a religious man, you understand. Been doin’ that tai chi with Dalton in the mornin’, though. Clears the head. Maybe that’d be the time to tell him about Tilghman. Hell, I dunno. That’s a sacred time, if you ask me. Probably best just to let it be. Like I said, some questions don’t want answerin’. Valvoline’s in aisle three.”