342. Mad Brad

In the middle of whipping the shit out of Dalton with a spear, Brad Wesley makes this face. His eyes all but bug right out of his head. His mouth is set in some sort of weird battle rictus. His usually impeccably coiffed hair is just wild enough to look upsetting in context. All in all it’s probably the right way to look if you are Ben Gazzara, age 58, and you’re supposed to be a convincingly formidable adversary to a trained dancer/fighter/stuntman/actor 22 years your junior. Fortunately for us, director Rowdy Herrington agreed, and a lingering shot of this absurd face made the cut when this fight scene was put into its final form. It goes a long way toward selling Wesley’s end of the bargain.

For his part, Patrick Swayze spends a long time just dodging rather than striking, rolling around on the furniture, avoiding Gazzara’s swipes and stabs with the spear. When he finally gets back on his feet he’s hunched over, his bullet-wounded left arm pulled in toward his body, a posture that conveys the fact that he’s badly injured and possibly also just worn down from murdering four other guys in the past three or four minutes. After seeing Dalton go toe to toe with the likes of Jimmy and emerge victorious, Road House had yeoman’s work to do in order to convince us that Dalton’s battle against Brad Wesley would be anything other than an embarrassing squash, and by god the film almost pulls it off.

341. Spear

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over three hundred forty-one days of writing about Road House, it’s that “Famous bouncer impaled to death by spear thrown by deranged Fotomat enthusiast” would be a fitting end to Road House. Alas for Brad Wesley, it is not meant to be. The spear he grabs from his extensive spear collection and throws at Dalton sails leisurely past the target, gliding by as if suspended on some kind of wire before crashing into something in the background.

But there’s more where that came from, fortunately for Wesley, and he spends the bulk of this fight scene alternately trying to batter and stab Dalton with another spear. It’s a surprisingly effective tactic, as we should perhaps have guessed: It’s not like Dalton got a lot of experience defending himself against spears during his career as a bouncer. The fact that he gets out of this alive at all is a testament to his adherence to the First Rule: “Never underestimate your opponent; expect the unexpected.” A duel to the death with a spear-wielding 58-year-old Chamber of Commerce guy is the unexpected alright.

340. Battle of the Buffalo

I love writing about action filmmaking and cartooning, even if action is not my favorite genre in either art form. (Though I do like it a lot. Perhaps you’ve heard about my affection for a film called Road House?) Years ago now, one of my friends and colleagues at a comics-industry magazine I worked for said I was three critics in one: the horror guy, the fight scene guy, and the pervert. He was not wrong!

A sense of place, a sense of space, is what I look for above virtually anything else in an action scene. I want the fight to be rooted in its environment, making use of its unique advantages and obstacles. I want to be able to parse the spatial relationships between the combatants at all times, so I understand who is at risk and when and why. I want each movement to have tangible physical stakes and consequences I can parse against the spacial and environmental backdrop. From the “Duel of the Fates” sequence in The Phantom Menace to the alleyway slugfest in They Live to the beach fight right here in Road House, great fight scenes deliver in these criteria.

So I want to be clear about this: The beginning of Dalton and Wesley’s final battle makes no sense at all.

Wesley is walking through his trophy room, starting from base of the staircase. A POV shot reveals his surroundings: To his right is a living-room set, and to his left is a wall with a stuffed bear, a stuffed hyena, and a stuffed buffalo. There is a good deal of space between these animals. Behind them is a blank white wall.

Rather intelligently, considering that it’s the first place along Wesley’s route where Dalton could conceivably find cover, Wesley whips to his left and points his gun toward the wall immediately after passing the buffalo. There’s even a little sting from Michael Kamen’s score to dramatize the moment.

Unfortunately, Dalton is not there. Dalton is in fact behind the buffalo, as we can see when he slowly emerges after Wesley lets down his guard. Dalton kicks, Wesley shoots and grazes Dalton’s arm, and the game is afoot.

Do you see the problem here? Dalton was hiding in a place plainly visible throughout the course of Wesley’s patrol. Unless he quickly tiptoed from some unseen hidden recess behind that bear, taking care not to bump any of the animals or make any noise or emerge into the view of the gun-toting man about four feet away from him, it is literally impossible for Dalton to do what he does. Wesley would have seen him no matter what.

You know that part in Funny Games where the guy breaks the fourth wall and rewinds the action so that the outcome plays in his favor? Perhaps this is Road House anticipating that move years in advance. Perhaps the focused totality of Dalton’s bouncer powers enabled him to warp time and space around him so he could appear someplace he hadn’t been moments before, or rendered him invisible to Wesley’s eye until it came time to strike. Perhaps the invisible hand of Rowdy Herrington himself just plopped him there and let him loose so that the final battle could at last begin. Perhaps the three parking-lot scenes are designed to impress upon us the film’s almost ponderous understanding of physical space, so we don’t question it when it makes no sense at all.

Anyway, the psychotic JC Penney developer gets attacked by a bloodthirsty bouncer who was hiding behind his stuffed buffalo. And that’s all you need to know, son.

339. “This town is big enough for both of us”

Now here’s something you don’t hear everyday, even if everyday you’re talking to villains. “Now c’mon Dalton,” Brad Wesley says as he prowls his trophy room. “This town is big enough for both of us.” He adds an entreaty to “let’s talk about this,” but I at least was stopped short by his assessment of the size of the town relative to the needs of himself and his enemy here. Frankly, I’ve never heard a villain say that this town is big enough for both of us. I mean, that kind of abrogates the need for villainy in the first place, does it not? Just as there are no ethical billionaires, there are no villains dedicated to properly apportioning a town, of any size, to themselves and their rivals.

It’s a particularly risible statement in the context of Road House, in which Brad Wesley has repeatedly told Dalton his presence wasn’t “working out,” and even asked his ex-wife Dr. Elizabeth Clay to get Dalton out of town for him, in between having his goons attempt to beat and kill him. For his part, Dalton has thwarted Brad Wesley’s machinations at every turn, and in the past 24 hours has murdered five of his men, so we know where he stands on the issue of the town’s bigness.

“This town is big enough for both of us” is a desperation play, is what it is. Wesley has every intention of plugging Dalton the moment he gets a clear shot, and simply needs to stall by keeping Dalton off-guard until that shot materializes. The weakness of the claim is perhaps our only outward indication that Wesley realizes he’s in a real jam here. It’s the statement of a man who’s not sure how big this town really is anymore.

338. A man among boys

Brad Wesley doesn’t feel Dalton has much to complain about. “What’s this all about, anyway?” he asks as he descends the spiral staircase into his trophy room. “Your friend Wade? One old man? That’s what I call a mercy killing. I put him out of his misery. Now you’re not mad at me about that, are you?” C’mon, what’s the big deal? Wesley just ordered the murder of an old man, one who is younger than he is but whatever. Get over it!

But there’s another point Brad would like to make. “Hell, you took Jimmy,” he continues. “He was in better shape!” That should settle the matter—just a couple of murders between friends, no biggie, and Dalton clearly had the better of it.

And then he looks down and sees Tinker, trapped beneath a polar bear. For all we know in the audience, this has somehow killed him. That’s definitely what Wesley thinks: “Hell, you took all my boys!” he bellows good-naturedly, a broad smile on his face, arms outstretched in an aw-shucks wouldja believe it gesture. (And to be fair, how would you react to that?)

Jimmy, Morgan, O’Connor, Ketcham, Pat, Tinker—Brad Wesley’s lost boys are gone, to a man, all thanks to Dalton, and he reacts to this like he’s learned something no more significant than that they’ve decided not to participate in the company softball game. Is this where we see the practical limits of Wesley’s paternalism? When the worst happens, as it definitely has to his organization—who now to shake down auto parts stores, or to grease the wheels required to open a Dress Barn—he sees it as no more of a setback than a kid being a little bit too impish when you’re trying to get out the door to head to the supermarket. When everyone looks like a boy to you, a fatherly tut-tut-tut is your solution to everything.

Well, that, plus attempted murder, as we will soon see. Maybe that’s the key to Wesley’s downfall, which is only one or two minutes away from occurring: He could never integrate Brad Wesley, town father, with Brad Wesley, deathbringer. Those grins are like the soft patch in Smaug’s breast.

337. Trophies

“I see you’ve found my trophy room, Dalton,” Brad Wesley cries into the darkness. “The only thing that’s missing…is your ass.”

There is much to consider here, much to ponder, much to weigh to a nicety in the scales of our wisdom. First there is the trophy room itself, a genuinely obscene spectacle of severed heads and often entire animals, stuffed and mounted for the amusement of the man who murdered them. Put more simply, that’s a buffalo, that’s multiple bears, that’s a whole-ass giraffe in there. Brad Wesley shot and killed a giraffe, then had it shipped back home from safari and loaded, perhaps by the very goons whose corpses now join it, into his basement-level rumpus room. Dalton’s entrance into this forbidden chamber offers him one last and true glimpse of Brad Wesley’s mind. This is what the contents of the man’s brain look like: victims, always victims, always made to suffer and die, added to his personal collection of victories over those weaker, or worse armed, than himself.

Second there is Brad Wesley’s choice of words. The “trophy room” bit is easy enough to parse, as we’ve seen: Brad Wesley collects the dead bodies of his vanquished foes as keepsakes. But “the only thing that’s missing—” dot dot dot “—is your ass”? That is a giraffe of a different color.

Brad Wesley would hardly be the first man, or even like the fifth man, to sexualize his violent intentions toward Dalton by mentioning his body in such a way. (Arguably Jimmy would still be alive, and Dalton dead, had Jimmy refrained from the whole “I used to fuck guys like you in prison” thing and just snapped Dalton’s neck or whatever.) But there’s not even a double-entendre involved here in the sense that Brad Wesley is literally saying he’d like to have Dalton’s ass stuffed and mounted.

Not that way, no, of course he can’t possibly mean that way, not Brad Wesley. It’s just a figure of speech. The look of glee on his face when he says it, eyes widening, mouth stretching into a broad smile despite having witnessed the slaughter of his entire entourage? Just spoiling for a fight, no doubt. A few minutes later when he tries to impale and then beat Dalton with a spear? Mere coincidence that this was the only weapon to hand, I’m sure, nothing more to it than that.

But these are the stakes as we move toward the climactic confrontation, the final battle, The End of the Story. Brad Wesley wants to complete his trophy collection by stuffing and mounting Dalton’s ass. He said so himself. Wrestle with that.

“His Dark Materials” thoughts, Season One, Episode Five: “The Lost Boy”

There is something inhumane, in the most extreme terms possible, about separating children from those they love the most. It robs them of the kindness, care, and security that they need so badly in this cruel, dangerous world — or other worlds, for that matter. Any movement based on tormenting kids in this way, any system that uses the power of the state to kidnap and traumatize its youngest and most vulnerable subjects — that’s the stuff of fantasy villainy. The evil is so clear cut you can write storybooks about it. “It’s worse than anything,” Lyra says.

“It’s about control, isn’t it,” Scoresby replies. “Because if you can remove someone’s soul, you can do anything.” So it would seem.

I reviewed this week’s episode of His Dark Materials for Rolling Stone. It’s relevant.

“Mr. Robot” thoughts, Season Four, Episode Nine: “409 Conflict”

But even now, there are intriguing loose ends and charming plot threads not covered in a description of the main action. Take Philip Price, for instance. As played, brilliantly, by Michael Cristofer, Price seems to have known his time was almost up the moment he allied himself with Elliot to take down Whiterose. So when he realizes he has arrived at what is clearly meant to be his place of execution, he is resigned to his fate and spends the ensuing meeting getting hammered on champagne.

This leads to some of the night’s funniest lines. “You think I can’t survive being doxxed?” Whiterose shouts at him at one point after Darlene’s new video goes viral.

“I have no idea,” Price deadpans. “I’m as curious as you!”

And later, when the hack goes through and Whiterose begins to realize it, you can hear the laughter in Price’s voice as he asks, “Something wrong, old sport?” Price has the most dramatic death of all the main characters who’ve bought the farm this season; it seems fitting that he has the most fun on his way out.

I reviewed this week’s episode of Mr. Robot for the New York Times.

“Watchmen” thoughts, Season One, Episode Seven: “An Almost Religious Awe”

Do you see where I’m going with this? The art of this show doesn’t lie in Damon Lindelof’s nervous-breakdown interviews or contractually-obligated making-of mini-documentaries, or in the Peteypedia supplementary materials on HBO.com, or in finding just the right place to stop the chicken-and-egg cycle of racism and racism-induced trauma that led to the state of vigilantism and policing today. It’s in the pacing and the imagery, in that staccato strangeness that Lindelof has developed and unleashed in his Gibbons-endorsed, Moore-ignored homage to the original.

If that’s not to your taste, that is fine—even The Leftovers was Not For Everyone TV. But at least respond to it as a work of visual narrative, not a thinkpiece. At least reflect on and wrestle with where the art of the thing really is, not where you feel you need it to be.

I reviewed this week’s episode of Watchmen for Decider.

336. Polar bear

No one comes closer to killing Dalton than Tinker. No one. Not Jimmy, in all his beachside posturing and martial-arts prowess. Not Ketcham with his knife. Not Pat McGurn with his shotgun. No, way back when, when he and O’Connor travel to the Double Deuce to forcibly reinstate Pat to his bartending sinecure, Tinker opens a gash in Dalton’s side that it takes a hospital visit and medical intervention from Dr. Elizabeth Clay to close. A few inches to one side and this movie would have ended a long time ago, at Tinker’s hands.

Yet in the end, Tinker is a comical figure, a Pierrot in suspenders and a trucker hat. Why? Because he’s afraid of Brad Wesley’s extensive collection of stuffed and mounted animals, and Dalton exploits this fear by dumping a stuffed polar bear on him, knocking him out. But first, Tinker stammers and sputters and empties his gun into the thing’s inanimate carcass, as if he’s facing not just a living polar bear, but a spectral polar bear, a Tuunbaq, sent from the Arctic wastes to consume his very soul. Everyone else in the goon squad gets popped offscreen, or gets a knife to the torso. Tinker? He’s dispatched by taxidermy.

“You’re made for each other,” Dalton quips after toppling the bear onto his enemy, incapacitating him. This is a fat joke, most likely; Tinker is the most heavyset of the goon squad, ergo a big ol’ bear is his logical nemesis. But keep this in mind: Tinker is the sole survivor, after Jimmy and Morgan and O’Connor and Ketcham and Pat McGurn and even Brad Wesley are long gone. And what animal knows better how to survive in an inhospitable environment? Perhaps that’s the message Dalton intended to send: Survivors know.

335. You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

Jimmy is dead. Morgan is dead. O’Connor is dead. Ketcham is dead. Pat McGurn is dead. Four corpses litter Brad Wesley’s mansion. And what is his response when he sees the men who risked their lives from him lying bloodied and mangled all around his house? How does he react when he sees O’Connor’s lifeless husk? He smiles. It’s the grin of a man thinking “If it’s not one thing, it’s another!” or “When it rains, it pours!” or “Ya gotta love it!” It takes a true sociopath to respond to mass murder not with horror or rage or resignation or even cold indifference, but with what Rifftrax’s Mike Nelson referred to as “wry amusement.” Ha! What a day, Brad Wesley thinks as he walks past one slain servant after another. Or as his enemy Red Webster once put it, That’s life. Who can explain it.

Of course, he never could stand a Bleeder, so there’s that too.

334. McGurned

Technically speaking, Dalton is not the man who murders Ketcham, in the sense that he does not die instantly from being stabbed and carved in the guts. No, he’s still alive when Pat McGurn accidentally blows a hole in his back when Dalton pivots and uses Ketcham to block Pat’s incoming shot. Dalton then withdraws the knife from his dead foe’s belly and lobs it perfectly at Pat, where it lodges in his solar plexus, causing him to misfire his gun one last time before plummeting to the floor one story below and presumably breaking his neck, killing him. So ends the saga of the Sister-Son, the shiftless ex-lover of Frank Tilghman, the Man with the Weak Constitution, Patrick McGurn. And with him dies the instigating incident for the entire Dalton/Wesley War, the firing of Pat McGurn from his job of stealing from the register at the Double Deuce. He won’t be robbing registers ever again. Never again, the dulcet tones of Pat McGurn calling someone “chicken-dick.” Alas, alas, alas.

333. “Tails again”

Brad Wesley may not seem like much of a details guy, considering how much of his business he delegates to his dubiously competent goon squad. But look at the butt of the knife that our good friend Gary Ketcham used to kill the already wounded and winded Wade Garrett. That’s a quarter, tails up—perhaps the very same quarter Brad Wesley flipped to decide whether to murder Wade or Dr. Elizabeth Clay. (Not that he communicated which person corresponded with heads or tails during the coin toss. See what I mean about how he doesn’t come across as much of a details guy?) Point is, this knife is always going to come up tails if used properly.

And use it properly Dalton does. When he gets the drop on Ketcham, he has just enough time to kick his shotgun and send his shot wild, then drop him to the floor. Ketcham reacts quickly, unsheathing his knife (which he’d recovered from Dalton’s car) and immediately adopting a knife-fighting stance. Showing steely resolve, Dalton dodges a few slashes, then kicks the knife out of Ketcham’s hands and straight up into the air. He grabs Ketcham, catches the knife after it makes its suspiciously leisurely descent, and jams it into his foe’s guts.

“Tails again,” he quips, and god help us, these are the last words Gary Ketcham will ever here. Imagine committing your life to a cause, in this case Brad Wesley’s control of a town full of old farts, and having that commitment lead you to a poetically just death, if by “poetically” you mean “on the level of a bathroom-wall limerick.” One needn’t like Katcham as a person in order to pity him.

332. Surprise!

After discovering the dead bodies of Morgan and O’Connor, Ketcham makes an even bigger show of stealth than he had before. He’s all silently approaching corners and then turning with his shotgun at the ready, only to find an empty space where he’d thought to find Dalton. Then something—goon-sense?—tells him exactly where Dalton is: He’s right behind him.

The fight that ensues is swift and brutal and ends with two men dead, neither of whom is Dalton. You get the sense that at this point Dalton wants his enemies to see him coming. I mean, look at him back there, just standing and waiting, giving Ketcham a fighting chance. There’s no other explanation for Dalton allowing himself to be intercepted: He wants to look in this man’s eyes as the lights go out. Boo!

331. In Memoriam: Morgan and O’Connor

Morgan was an important man, in the same sense that Brad Wesley’s grandfather was an important man: “He was an asshole.” Or as Carrie Ann put it, “Morgan was born an asshole and just grew bigger.” Here was a guy who was so temperamentally unsuited to the trade of bouncing that his presence actually made the old, hellhole version of the Double Deuce worse than it would have been had he not been there. Morgan had a great voice, a knack for off-kilter line readings (how can we forget “You’re a dead man“?), a penchant for tossing people through tables, and a thing for little moon boots. He’s gone now, murdered by Dalton, not even afforded the dignity of an onscreen death.

I can’t say he’ll be missed by many, because most of the people who might have missed him either are dead already or will be dead within minutes. One of those unfortunates is O’Connor, aka the Bleeder, the rumble-voiced dink who got his ass kicked by Dalton, then got his ass kicked by Brad Wesley for getting his ass kicked by Dalton, then got his ass kicked by Dalton and Wade Garrett in tandem. Then he, too, got killed by Dalton, offscreen, which—speaking as a general rule here—is not the place most movies want to kill their memorable goons. Road House is the exception that proves that particular rule.

And who is our guide through all this, our combination Charon and Virgil? It is Ketcham, the least memorable major goon, sneaking around Brad Wesley’s mansion looking for Dalton and finding only his handiwork. “Shit,” he says when he finds O’Connor slumped lifeless against the wall. That he was, Ketcham, that he was.

The Boiled Leather Audio Hour Episode 97!

Me and Stefan Sasse vs. the “Mercy” sample chapter from George R.R. Martin’s The Winds of Winter—it’s all going down in the latest episode of our podcast, available at our Patreon or anyplace podcasts can be listened to!

‘Watchmen’ Pulls the Hood on Hooded Justice

SPOILER WARNING

Who was that masked man?

In this week’s episode of “Watchmen,” the show pulls back the hood on one of the story’s most elusive figures, the brutal vigilante called Hooded Justice. A peripheral but pivotal figure in the original graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, Hooded Justice was the very first masked vigilante hero in the “Watchmen” universe, responsible for launching the phenomenon that inspired all the others to don masks of their own.

The big surprise? Underneath that hood and noose, so evocative of the Ku Klux Klan, was a black cop and survivor of the Tulsa Race Massacre, Will Reeves. Employing a mask and a rope that his racist fellow police officers had used to terrify and intimidate him, he turned the terror back onto criminals — including those crooked cops.

The revelation elevates a background player from the graphic novel to the status of protagonist, and in the process it raises as many questions as it answers. Does this surprising secret identity jibe with what we know from Moore and Gibbons’s original book? The showrunner Damon Lindelof — despite having made what he has called a “remix” of the book — claims to treat it as gospel. Could the racist iconography of Hooded Justice have been a ruse all along? We dug back into the source material to see if the case for a placing black man beneath that menacing hood holds up.

I unpacked the big twist on this week’s episode of Watchmen for the New York Times.

“Watchmen” thoughts, Season One, Episode Six: “This Extraordinary Being”

Most interesting is the chicken and the egg question all this raises. Is a black man to blame for the pseudofascist superheroes who followed in his footsteps and gave Dick Nixon decades in the White House, then went on to spawn the 7th Kavalry? Or is it the original masked vigilantes, the KKK, who should get the blame for driving Reeves to become Hooded Justice in the first place? And most importantly, does Watchmen have a sure enough grasp on this material to answer the question at all?

I reviewed this week’s episode of Watchmen for Decider. It has a complicated relationship with the source material, to say the least.

“Mr. Robot” thoughts, Season Four, Episode Eight: “408 Request Timeout”

The revelation about his father has gutted Elliot to the point where he feels he can no longer go through with the Deus Group hack he has suffered so much to plan. It is hard to hear him sob to Mr. Robot that he can’t do it; anyone who has struggled with trauma or mental illness knows that feeling of having nothing left to give. Ending one of the final episodes of a riveting techno-thriller on that note of powerlessness is a bold choice indeed.

I reviewed this week’s episode of Mr. Robot for the New York Times.

“His Dark Materials” thoughts, Season One, Episode Four: “Armour”

Compare and contrast His Dark Materials‘ core cast with that of The Golden Compass, that ill-fated attempt to kickstart a movie franchise from Phillip Pullman’s book series. Replacing Nicole Kidman with Ruth Wilson as Mrs. Coulter? You’re simply swapping one gifted, gorgeous actor with another. James McAvoy subbed in for Daniel Craig as Lord Asriel? Two intense guys with piercing gazes — it works. Recasting Scoresby, the hard-charging Texas adventurer played by Sam Elliott, with … Lin-Manuel Miranda? It takes some chutzpah, to say the least.

So far, however, it works. Showrunner Jack Thorne appears to have realized that there’s no way to outdo Elliott in the cowboy department, so he’s taken a radically different tack. The Hamilton impresario plays Scoresby as a more playful kind of adventurer, with a bright smile and breezy disposition that befit his side hustles as a trickster, a card sharp, and a pickpocket. He may not be the kind of guy you want by your side in a shootout, but there’s a decent chance he could swipe your enemy’s gun and save you the trouble.

I reviewed this week’s episode of His Dark Materials for Rolling Stone.