* Psych himself up
* Consume the biosphere of a small planet to recharge his cosmic energy
* Prank call Keith Moon
* Play the drums in his head
* Play the drums in a soundproof room elsewhere in the arena
* Play the drums for another band at a nearby venue after knocking their drummer out
* Drink
* Mate
* Grow and shave off one cycle of his mighty beard
* Gather a party of stout Bossonian bowmen and raid the Pictish wilderness ruled by Zogar Sag beyond the Black River
* Play pinochle
* Concoct and spread the “mudshark incident” rumor as an experiment in memetic engineering
* Listen intently and imagine where the drum parts WOULD go
* Translate the lyrics into Quenya
* Use his four sticks to sit in for Clyde Stubblefield AND Jabo Starks over the phone during a JBs recording session
* Sit quietly and wait his turn
* Bed down the significant others of each and every member of Vanilla Fudge
* Pray
* Chip in a few chanted verses from Aleister Crowley’s Liber AL vel Legis to keep Jimmy Page’s black magick curse against David Bowie going
* Do a quick set of squat thrusts
* Entertain the roadies with a few Monty Python bits
* Continue his years-long investigation into the “Paul Is Dead” rumor–the very thing would end up getting him killed when he got too close to the truth
* Shift his molecular vibration over to an alternate universe where the band was already up to the drum part of “Stairway,” perform it there, and then come back just in time
See, I was under the impression that he WAS playing drums during the first half, only he had changed their vibrational properties so that they sounded like Robert Plant’s voice. What was Plant doing?
Preening.
Any other comment-thread contributions are going to have to clear a very, very high hurdle thanks to that one, Justin.