* Apologies to this feature’s three readers for its lateness this week.

* It took an episode full of Blair mugging while poking her head through curtains like a Muppet for me to realize it, but this was basically an episode of The Muppet Show, wasn’t it? From the backstage shenanigans to the guest star to Blair’s increasingly high-strung Miss Piggy-like narcissism and Children’s Television Workshop facial expressions. I half expected Lew Zealand to show up and start throwing fish at Vanessa. (But then, I sort of hope that will happen in every episode.)

* So, that bit with Dan walking down the street at the beginning was a conscious homage to Peter Parker’s evil “Stayin’ Alive” routine in Spider-Man 3, right?

* This episode’s threesome flashbacks are notable for the return of my favorite supporting character this season, Vanessa’s Cleavage. Welcome back, old friend.

* If I were a high-ranking diplomat, I’d ask Chuck Bass to show my son around New York as well. Man, that was the sort of thing people asked me to do all the time when I was 18. If I had a nickel!

* Fun shots at James Frey and the Weinsteins and Eastwick. More of that sort of thing than usual, I thought.

* Another Muppet-y development: The evil theatre kids. This was a hoot for a couple of reasons. First, theatre kids really are horrible. In college dropped out of theatre and switched to a Film Studies major because that was actually the less pretentious crowd, if you can believe it. Second, I feel like I’m starting to wrap my head around how they’re handling college: It’s a fantasy land. This is like Quentin Tarantino’s “movie-movie” version of college. I can dig it.

* With each new revelation about Vanessa’s background, that character gets more exquisitely insufferable and funny. Of course she and Dan have had a “go throw gladiolas at Morrissey” since 7th grade. I wonder if her mom grew the gladiolas herself, next to the chicken coop.

* Uh, Trip was super-creepy in this episode, no? When he walked in on Serena as she was doing stuff in his office, I was waiting for him to ask her, “Ya like Huey Lewis and the News?”

* Speaking of that scene, what the fuck, shoulder pads? As the Missus said, NO. Not unless you’re Bea Arthur.

* Damn, this show moves fast. After that scene in the office, I realized that they’d made Trip’s wife evil so we wouldn’t hate Serena for having her inevitable affair with a married congressman. (Though as the Missus pointed out, is she really evil? She staged the fake drowning to wrest control of Trip away from Grandfather, who’s even worse. It was sort of a villain vs. villain deal. But I digress.) But as it turns out, we don’t need to feel bad at all, because the show had Trip find out about his wife’s scheme and separate from her before he and Serena could get down to bidness. They’re always a couple steps ahead of me.

* That said, I think we can still question whether hooking up with a still-married man mere hours after he dumps his wife is a great idea. AIso we can scoff at Serena’s majestically self-absorbed plea with Nate for support: “I thought I could count on you to support my having an extramarital affair with your married congressman cousin. I guess I was wrong.” It’s a hard knock life, Van der Woodsen!

* Nate’s too good for Serena! Still, I feel bad that things didn’t work out for him and Serena. His dejection as she and Trip talk at the bar was really priceless. Poor Nate, shit-on again.

* I’m sure lots of folks have lots to say about Dan’s musical, but what struck me was the snippet of the preceding skit we saw, the thing about the Big Bad Wolf, emphasis on “Big.” That’s college theatre alright–self-congratulatory snickering at dick jokes.

* From my first listen to “Bad Romance,” I was struck by how perfect the song would be for Gossip Girl, particularly the blend of really raw and childlike pathos with selfish spite in the way Lady GaGa sang “I don’t wanna be friends” over and over again. Lo and behold! It’s a shame that that was the least visually compelling Lady GaGa performance I’ve seen so far, but hey, you take what you can get. Still, all the banter about Cyrus Rose got my hopes up for a GaGa/Wallace Shawn meeting of the minds. Maybe someday.

* Finally, and most importantly, this episode saw the birth of the sensational character find of 2009: Chuck Bass: Crimefighter! He really is Batman.

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