I was in the Kmart in Penn Station trying to buy batteries but all the registers went down, so tensions were running high in the line. This big burly middle aged Noo Yawkuh guy started getting into it with this youngish kid in his 20s and the girl he was with, I guess maybe because they both tried to get on line at once. Clearly the older guy was being an unnecessarily belligerent dick, trying to intimidate them. Eventually the older guy yelled “faggot” at the kid. I look at him and say “classy.” He goes “what, are you one too?” Suddenly I hear “I absolutely am, sir” coming out of my mouth. He says “Sorry,” kind of shocked-like, and he repeats it a couple other times as I turn away–it sounded like he wanted it to come out sarcastic but that he was also kind of sorry that he called someone a faggot in front of an actual faggot. Eventually he manages to add “Kiss him and make it better, I don’t know what to tell ya,” to which I just reply “awesome” and roll my eyes. Then he threatened to hit the other kid, and there were all these cashiers and managers circulating–I thought they were going to get security but they might have just been trying to figure out what to do about all the busted registers. Finally I gave up on trying to buy the batteries and left.
What I WISH I had said to him instead of my awesome final reply of “awesome” was “Your revolution’s over, sir. Condolences! The bums lost!” As gross and ugly as it was to have this dickhead call someone a faggot and then continue to crack wise about it even after I “came out,” I just felt so, so good and so sure that his time is coming to an end, and it’s just a matter of time.
And yet you freely toss around words like “dickhead,” blind to the torment heaped upon those of us who, during the early ’90s, had that haircut that kind of looked like the tip of a penis.
For what it’s worth, though, I think “awesome” and an eye roll were probably all the guy deserved/could comprehend. If you’d started in with all this “condolences” and “sir” stuff, he would have gotten distracted thinking about the Three Musketeers, then he would have spent ten minutes trying to remember “d’Artagnan,” then he would have gotten hungry for a candy bar. You would have spent half your day waiting for him to remember what you were talking about, and by that point, your point would have been lost on him.
Hey, you’re MY faggot, Sean; not this jack-hole’s! I woulda had to kick his ass. 😉
Seriously though, good on ya, my friend. It reminds me of this one time (even though these situations are totally different) in college, this dude was hitting on my best (female) friend at some frat party, and my friend was TRASHED, so I decided to be a good friend and take my friend home. This frat dude did not like this and was all up in my face and started implying that I was gonna take advantage of her myself. Watching his reaction when I shared the whole “I’m a fag” information, the way it totally throws these assholes for a loop, like, “Who would ADMIT that?” is always priceless. Their brains can’t ever seem to wrap around it.
‘Suddenly I hear “I absolutely am, sir” coming out of my mouth.”
Priceless.
I don’t know if we’re so close to passing those times. If the multiple gay marriage bans in states like California and Michigan that are usually solidly towards the left is any indication, most Americans still have a really rough relationship with the gay community. And as someone who spent a year substitute teaching a while back, I can tell you that in the average American suburban high school these days, it’s frowned upon for kids to say words like “damn” and “hell” but using “gay” as a pejorative word gets a total pass from adults all over the place. It’s like they don’t hear their kids using hate speech.
I think you’re exactly right, Jason. This guy clearly thought that “faggot” was the ultimate epithet, capable of reducing everyone to shamed silence. Saying “Why yes, I am a faggot” back to him DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Jeff, it would have been awesome if this guy had taken out a glove and slapped me in the face with it. “How dare you talk to me that way, you!”
You are totally my new hero.
Whoa, you’re gay???
It’s a shame – you just don’t find that level of decorum in midtown Kmarts anymore. I hear you can still find a proper duel at the Red Hook Ikea, but I have no idea how one actually gets there.
I think “Awsome” was a great response. He probably wouldn’t have understood the other one anyway. So, no loss!