I think that one of the reasons I’m writing so much about my decision to stop watching the film Inside because the killer was gonna kill a cat is because on some level I’m ashamed of that decision. As I described in my follow-up post yesterday, cruelty to animals isn’t something I’m phobic of. It’s not something that triggers an on/off switch where I just can’t bear the sight or thought of it. It’s not Room 101 for me. (Although if that’s what was waiting for me in Room 101 I would not like it AT ALL…but nor would I like watching someone be sliced to ribbons either, and obviously I can handle that in films just fine.) I think that for me, cruelty to animals does exist on some kind of overall cruelty continuum. And to the extent that I believe horror is about cruelty–to the extent that cruelty is the aspect of horror I find so compelling–then I feel like on some level I’ve failed by refusing to watch it.

Now, failed as what? A viewer, a critic, a genre buff, an artist, a student of the human condition, a blogger, a film lover, a former film student? I’m not sure I know. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that concern was going on internally, to the point where I immediately felt bad about sending the movie back to Netflix and will likely put it back on my queue and try it again soon. Maybe I’ll try to watch it during a time of day that’s less conducive to an immersive horror-movie experience–a day-lit lunchbreak instead of at night with the lights turned down alone in the house.

Keep in mind that this isn’t the only time I’ve been really upset by something only to want to try and “best it” with a rematch. Perhaps you recall that horrifying Coney Island ride I went on, the Topspinner? I guarantee you I go on one of those again to prove to myself that I didn’t need to be so scared the first time around.

Also keep in mind I’m talking about make-believe animal cruelty, not actual animal cruelty done for the purposes of entertainment a la Cannibal Holocaust. Fuck that with something hard and sandpapery.

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