Read: The Dark Tower–“New York Again (Roland Shows ID)”; “Fedic (Two Views)”; “The Thing Under the Castle”; “On Badlands Avenue”; “The Castle of the Crimson King”

Another chunk of the final book in the series, another ad for another Stephen King book that apparently it would have really helped to have read before getting to the climax of a seven-volume fantasy epic. I’m getting kind of tired of that, though I do take comfort from the fact that Roland seems no more anxious to read Insomnia than I do. But in a way, each of these King-centric interludes–the notion that character-King doesn’t always get the messages from Gan right so that’s why so much stuff in all the books that touch on the Tower mythos contradict one another; the idea that the reason there’s just so much shit going on in these books is because it’s basically being dictated to him by God and his usual process of narrowing and editing isn’t in effect; capping off the constant references throughout the series to graffiti artist “Bango Skank” by basically giving up and calling him “the Great Lost Character”; even the fact that King himself is a character in his own magnum opus–embody the problems they purport to explain and describe. There’s nothing wrong with these books that a red pencil couldn’t fix, but try telling that to a guy who thinks this stuff’s being beamed to him by divine intervention.

A few more trims and the strong stuff here would stand out. And there was strong stuff. The scary things under the castle, for example–the creepy doors to historical atrocities, the sound of a mouth full of fangs chewing endlessly behind a flimsy portal, that big giant centipede monster refugee from “The Mist” or “Jerusalem’s Lot.” The use of relentless, non-fatal chilliness, slowly driving Susannah and Roland into desperation. The three goofy Stephen King lookalikes (how great would it be if they were King’s first appearance in the series?) and their unpleasant fate. The Crimson King sitting on a throne of skulls while ordering all his followers to their deaths. I’ll even grant you the meeting between Roland and the heads of the corporation dedicated to facilitating his work in America. There’s almost enough stuff right there for a good book, but what you’ve got is about, I dunno, one-eighth of a gigantic overstuffed monstrosity that is itself one-seventh of an even MORE gigantic overstuffed monstrosity.

I’m also pissed because it felt like Flagg was going to be in the Crimson King’s castle but he wasn’t. Rip-off.

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