According to health and law enforcement officials, there are several warning signs of the onset of Wayne Ray Thomas, including intense anxiety, shortness of breath, sweating, and a sudden loss of power to the victim’s house.
Physical symptoms of a full-scale attack include involuntary constriction of the airway and sharp, stabbing pains in the left arm, right arm, throat, and back. In the advanced stages, afflicted persons suffer external bleeding, loss of motor function, organ failure, and intracranial hemorrhaging.
So far, those stricken by Wayne Ray Thomas have exhibited a 100 percent mortality rate.
—“Florida Man Beats Out Heart Disease as Nation’s No. 1 Killer,” The Onion