How many times can a person say “things are going well” in relation to their spouse’s illness? I guess we’re going to find out, because, well, things are going well. That is to say they’re going as well as they could under such circumstances. As I may have said in th e past, I now truly feel able to say that I’ve been on an “emotional rollercoaster.” I can only imagine how Amy feels.
She’s so brave, it’s just inspiring. I wish she could see how genuinely remarkable and fascinating and brilliant she is, but this is what this disease does (as well as the underlying depression/anxiety)–it prevents her from seeing her own excellence just as completely and effectively as a blindfold would prevent her from seeing what’s right in front of her.
Some things to note about eating disorders:
1) They’re never about food, weight, or appearance, despite the obvious appearances to the contrary.
2) People with EDs should never be engaged about those three things–don’t say “please eat this,” don’t say “honey, you know you’re thinner than that woman, why are you worried about it?”, don’t cajole or plead or threaten or otherwise attempt to get the person to eat–these are all battles you will not win.
3) Sadly, a lot of women have family members who see treatment centers as “the easy way out” of facing the difficulties of real life. Believe me, I’ve seen it first hand, and treatment sucks. The treatment center is not the escape hatch–the eating disorder is the escape hatch. The treatment center gets the ED sufferer back to the point at which they CAN face those real-life problems, rather han hide from them in the womb of starvation, binging, or purging.
4) Women with eating disorders want to hear that you are proud of them for seeking treatment. They don’t necessarily want to hear this when they are voicing a very specific complaint about the treatment that any reasonable person might have. They are NOT their disease, not 100% of the time, and treating their every thought as a possible symptom is not helpful. This is one of the most difficult tasks for the loved one–to stop second-guessing every interaction with the ED sufferer and simply love them.
5) Tofu wears thin after a while.
6) Pretty much every person with an eating disorder is highly intelligent, highly articulate, kind, driven, successful, and beautiful. This should only highlight the fact that this is a disease, not some sort of deliberate attempt to sabotage their own lives or the lives of others.
7) Consider yourself very, very lucky and blessed when someone with an ED wants you close to them. They’re showing you that they trust you more than they trust their eating disorder. When that person is as amazing as you know them to be, this is an honor like no other.