Well, I’ll just say that I just watched Cybill Shepherd, as Martha Stewart, put on a conical hat and act like a quote little magic gnome unquote in an effort to seduce Tim Matheson. You tell me, folks. You tell me.

See the little fish up there near the top of the page? Hold your little mouse cursor thing over it. See? Isn’t that funny? Hat tip to Chris Onstad for letting us rip him off inspiration.

As my friends and family can readily attest, I am so far ahead of my time. But even though I’ve been drinkin’ PBR since well before the last millenium, I’ve still got to give credit to a) My father-in-law and b) Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet. (I feel much the same way about Heiniken as he does, too.)

Hey, I enjoy the San Diego Comic-Con as much as the next nerd, but this –well, it made me glad I read through an issue of Spin (where I first saw it mentioned), which is saying something. Too bad it conflicts with my regularly scheduled geek activities.

My wife is awesome for many reasons, one of which is her amazing ability to get me to like good music I should have liked in the first place. Back when I was in college she labored for literally months to get me to listen to Radiohead’s OK Computer, a thankless task until I finallly heard the first notes of “Airbag” and began a three-week jag of listening to that album and that album alone 24 hours a day. More recently, she got me into Interpol after I had written them off as trendy rip-off artists (they’re neither) and Queens of the Stone Age’s Songs for the Deaf after I’d written it off as spotty and dull (it achieves what Alvy Singer might call “maximum heaviosity”).

Her latest stroke of genius is reintroducing me to Tori Amos’s latest, Scarlet’s Walk. When I was in high school I got into Tori right around the same time I got into Pantera, and for the same reason: Trent Reznor liked them both. I loved Tori’s first three albums, and still do: they’re haunting, beautiful and brutal. But she started to lose me on the producery From the Choirgirl Hotel, and she shook me entirely with the double-disc To Venus and Back (the first disc of which seemed like a fairly spectacular failure to become Bjork and the second of which, a live performance, seemed unenjoyable unless you’re part of the hermetically-sealed world of Toriphiles, aka Ears with Feet (don’t ask)). At that point, I kinda preferred to make believe that she had lost weight and recorded two great records under the name “Fiona Apple.”

But Tori’s covers album, Strange Little Girls, was a return to form: the arrangements were sparse, tense and genuinely creative, with the usual riveting guitar work by King Crimson/Bowie/NIN axeman Adrian Belew and fascinating versions of songs from “Enjoy the Silence” to “I’m Not in Love” to “Heart of Gold.” Scarlet’s Walk follows in that project’s footsteps, with tons more attention to songcraft, allowing her vocals and piano to go unsmothered by electronic noodlings. It’s a long album without a weak track in which each song serves a different and vital purpose. My favorites, “Crazy” and “Your Cloud” (as well as the wonderful single “A Sorta Fairytale”) are as different from each other as they are from every other song on the album. Much has been made of the whole “It’s Tori’s take on post-9/11 America,” but it’s Tori’s take on her own voice, instrument and relationships that make it great.

So thanks, Ferg, for doing what you usually do: pointing out all the wonderful things I overlook.

Chorus: Awwwwww.

Apologies to anyone who came to see this blog and wasn’t even able to access the page. The server that alltooflat is located on goes down more often than Linda Lovelace writing about the Titanic on Blogspot. (That worked on so many levels. Damn, I’m good.)

Not sure how much either gentleman would appreciate being compared to the Blob and the Juggernaut, but basically you can’t go wrong with a Frank Miller interview conducted by Gary Groth. (It’ll only be up for a month or so, so now’s the time.) (This concludes Fantagraphics Suck-Up Week at Seanieblog.)

Permalinks pending. As are archives, and the ability to see more than the last handful of posts, and timestamps, and links from the other relevant parts of AllTooFlat.com, and the overall ability to view the page at will without the dumb server melting down. Master programmer Kennyb has been hindered by our fricking CONSTANT server problems, but I have faith in his handiwork. Y’hear me, baby? Hold together.

Clearly, I lied.

In a move that surely has Tom Spurgeon spinning in his non-grave, Fantagraphics, publisher of some of the god’s-honest best comics in the whole world, has issued a plea for people to go to their website or call their number and buy their stuff. Their big graphic novel distributor has gone belly up and it’s caught up with them in a bad way. If you like comics at all, or even if you don’t (unlikely if you’re reading this blog, God knows), please go to their site, snoop around, and pitch in. (Hint: Buy Jimmy Corrigan.)

This is the first Seanieblog post! So huge!